Little Incidents that don't mean much
by Coralbug52
Summary: As title suggests. Can't think of anything better. Incidents that happen before, during and after the quest to the West.
1. The Sanbutsushin who say Ni

Disclaimer(because every fic has one and I'm such a slave to conformity! )- Very simple. Six words. Don't own. Don't sue. I'm Poor. Fic was written in good fun. Flame me if you like. I don't care. Praise will be better received. My ego thrives on it!

Enjoy!!

Toua Genjo Sanzo considers himself to be a man of simple pleasures. It doesn't take a lot to keep him happy or at least in a neutral mood. In fact, Sanzo asked for so little and nothing that is out of the ordinary that he often became angry and resorted to violence when people failed to comply with his small demands.

After all, all Sanzo ever asked for are peace, quiet, that people leave him alone and for his cigarette and beer supplies to be kept plentiful. That's all. How hard is it to give him that?

But no. People just would not leave him alone. It's always Sanzo-sama, preach to us! Sanzo-sama, save us! Sanzo-sama, kill that demon! Sanzo-sama, get that statue! And more recently, "Sanzo, I'm hungry. Feed me!"

And it was just his luck to be working under the three most irritating beings of all; the Sanbutsushin. In Sanzo's opinion, the most annoying aspect of the Three Aspects is the fact that they are his superiors which means he couldn't hit them with his harisen or better yet, aim the shoureijou right smack in the middle of their stupid foreheads and just shoot.

No wonder everyone thinks Genjo Sanzo is in a perpetual bad mood. Not that Sanzo cares about what people think. But still.

"Umm, Sanzo-sama?" The quiet, timid voice broke through Sanzo's thoughts and he cursed under his breath. So much for peace and quiet. He glared at the young acolyte standing shyly at the doorway.

"What is it?" he asked gruffly.

"Umm, you're, umm, wanted at the umm, Shayouden. By the umm, Sanbutsushin sama." The young acolyte gulped. Sanzo cursed. Again. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and extinguished it.

"Fine. You can tell those creeps that I'll be there shortly."

As Sanzo walked across the courtyard he saw a couple of monks busy at carrying dried, withered shrubs from within the Great Hall of the Shayouden. He quickened his steps. Though he greatly disliked his meetings with the Three Aspects, Sanzo was never one to dally in unpleasant tasks that had to be done regardless. He preferred to get them over and done with so he could get back to his peace and quiet.

_"Toua Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama!" announced the herald as Sanzo stepped __inside the Great Hall. Behind him, the doors closed._

_"You called for me," stated Sanzo._

_"Yes, we have a very important mission for you," said the bearded head __in the middle._

_"At your service."_

_"Genjo Sanzo, we want you go out and bring back a shrubbery," said __the demure-looking head to the left._

_"A shrubbery?" Sanzo put his pinky finger into his ear and twisted__about. He wasn't quite sure if he had heard right._

_"Yes, a shrubbery. A nice one," said Demure._

_"About so high," said Beardy._

_"And one that's not too expensive," added the sterner looking one on the __right._

_"A shrubbery?" Sanzo asked again, still unable to believe his ears._

_"Yes, a shrubbery." Sterny was beginning to look impatient._

_"And after you have brought back a shrubbery," said Beardy, "we want __you to go and get another shrubbery."_

_"Only it's got to be slightly taller so it'll have a nice cascading __effect," clarified Demure._

_Sanzo did not know what to say._

_"And if you do not go out and get us a shrubbery, we shall say..." __Beardy paused for dramatic effect, "'Ni!'"_

_"Ni?" asked Sanzo._

_"Yes, 'Ni'. For we are the Sanbutsushin who say 'Ni!'"_

_"Ni," said Beardy._

_"Ni," said Demure._

_"Ni," said Stern-faced._

_'Crap' thought Sanzo. Just as he feared. The Three Aspects have been __watching Monty Python. Again._

_He stood there, temporarily too stunned to move. Three gigantic heads_ _facing him simultaneously saying "Ni" was quite a sight to behold. __It was like his worst nightmare come true._

_But all the 'Ni's eventually moved him out of his stupor and he turned towards __the door. _

_"Fine," he said through gritted teeth, "I'll get your shrubbery."_

_Of course it was Hakkai who went out to the nursery to pick out the __plants but it didn't make the task less annoying for Sanzo._

"Toua Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama!" announced the herald as Sanzo stepped inside the Great Hall. Behind him, the doors closed.

"You called for me," stated Sanzo.

"Yes, we have a very important mission for you," said Beardy.

"At your service."

"Genjo Sanzo, we want you to go to the pharmacy and bring back a cream for pimples."

"For pimples?" asked Sanzo. He fought the urge to rub his ear. He was sure he heard right.

"Yes, you see this big red spot here? That's a pimple and I don't want to squeeze it because it'll hurt too much." complained Beardy.

"And it might leave a scar," added Demure.

"Really, I keep telling you that eating too much beef jerky would give you pimples but you wouldn't listen!" tutted Sterny.

"You could at least give me some sympathy. Pimples hurt you know!" whined Beardy.

Sanzo gritted his teeth as he turned to go.

"If that is all you require then I'll be off," he said.

Needless to say that Hakkai was the one who went to the pharmacy and purchased the pimple cream. Sanzo was still annoyed at being called for such a stupid task but at least they hadn't asked him to cut down a tree with a herring.

Three days later, Sanzo found himself in front of the Three Aspects again.

"Genjo Sanzo, we have a very important mission for you."

"At your service."

'Here goes' thought Sanzo. Any minute now, they'll hand him a herring and tell him to cut down the big peach tree in the middle of the yard.

But somehow, he was lucky that day. It seems that some idiot in Tenjiku is trying to resurrect her dead lover and is also committing the taboo of combining science with magic.

The Three Aspects have finally given him a half decent task of going to Tenjiku to stop this sorry madness.

The downside of it, of course, is that Hakkai was assigned to go with him along with two other idiots which means this is one task he could not delegate to the monocled man.

End.


	2. East, West, Sleep is best

**East, West, Sleep is Best**.

Disclaimer: don't own 'Saiyuki' or any of the characters. Never will. And I cheated on this chapter. I didn't write it in the last few days. Wrote it ages ago. Meh.

Rating: PG-13 for language, violence and sexual references.

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It was approximately half past five in the morning when the group of youkai attacked the dingy little motel.

Gojyo opened one sleepy eye, decided that it was probably a dream, turned over in his futon and went straight back to sleep.

Sanzo, never the light sleeper, promptly kicked the slumbering redhead in the ribs. The pain managed to convince Gojyo that it was probably not a dream after all and he sprang up with his shakujou ready in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing kicking people in the middle of the night" he demanded of the blonde monk.

"Just as I thought. Your head is nothing more than a gaudy piece of decoration" is all the monk said.

It took eight whole seconds for the comment to sink in and even then, Gojyo still couldn't quite grasp the meaning. Of course, seeing Sanzo load his Smith and Wesson when he was supposed to be asleep like any other sane person was quite a distraction. After ten seconds, he felt it was necessary to make a reply, despite the fact he didn't know what the hell was going on.

"I'll show you gaudy, you insane bouzu " he started.

"Please Gojyo, not now" interrupted Hakkai in between ki ball blasts.

"Just finish off the youkai so we can get back to sleep."

It finally dawned on Gojyo that they were surrounded by youkai intent on taking their lives.

"...four helpings of Kung Pow Chicken, siu mai, five large pork buns and a large..." Goku mumbled in his sleep.

"Oi, Bakazaru! Get the fuck up" Gojyo prodded the monkey with the end of his shakujou.

"What? Is it time for breakfast" asked Goku drowsily as his rubbed his eyes opened.

"Kono bakazaru" said Gojyo as he kicked Goku in the ribs. It was a distorted way of getting back at Sanzo.

"Kono Erogappa! What's the big idea of - eep!" Goku just managed to dodge the flying bullet.

"Would you two just shut the fuck up and kill some youkai already? I want to get back to sleep" shouted Sanzo.

Fury was building up rapidly for the monk and frankly, Gojyo was glad there were youkai on whom Sanzo could vent his anger.

Hang on. Youkai to vent anger on. Right. Which means, as long as there are some demons around, he could make fun of Sanzo and escape relatively unscathed.

"Heh" chuckled Gojyo as he pierced the moon-shaped blade of the shakujou into one youkai (he had decided to take things slowly so as to prolong the fun). "So Sanzo wants his beauty sleep eh? I say he needs it"

"What was that" asked Sanzo menacingly. He would have shoved a bullet right through the Kappa's head if it weren't for an attacking demon that demanded more urgency.

"Didn't you hear? You deaf or something? Gee you must be getting old."

"Say that again and I'll..."

"Heh, what's the use of saying it again? You're deaf. Remember? Or have you got Alzheimer's too" This was turning out to be really fun. There seemed to be no end to the multitude of youkai storming through the window and Sanzo was too busy shooting the oncoming demons, reloading his gun and then shooting some more to really do anything about Gojyo...

Bang. Bang. Bang. Gojyo ducked just in time to avoid the bullets. Okay, maybe not.

Behind him three youkai disintegrated to smithereens. Sanzo's anger level must be up to 150 now...

"Tsk. Tsk. Sanzo. Calm down. Anger would only give you more wrinkles. Then you're really gonna look your age and no amount of beauty sleep would help. Say, how old are you anyway? Older than dirt"

This comment managed to elicit a slight chuckle from Hakkai who had been trying to hold back his laughter.

"Bwahaha" Burst out Goku. "Sanzo, older than dirt? Good one!"

"No wonder Sanzo is always so cranky, it all makes sense now. I hear that old men are often rather cantankerous" added Hakkai. Just for the heck of it.

"That. Is. It!" Shouted Sanzo. If he were a volcano, he would have erupted.

"MAKAI TENJOU!"

Lengths upon lengths of sutra burst out and in a blinding flash every single Tom, Dick and Harry of opposing youkai was exterminated. When the dust of the motel debris had finally settled down, only our four studly heroes were left standing.

"Damn! Didn't work" muttered Sanzo under his breath. Goku heard him, though.

"Eh? What do you mean it didn't work? It was awesome! All the demons are dead and gone" said Goku.

"All except the three I really wanted dead" replied Sanzo.

"Eh? Where are they" asked Goku as he searched around for the three surviving youkai. "I don't see anymore of...huh" Hakkai lightly nudged Goku and motioned him to stay put and quiet.

Meanwhile Gojyo was getting the beating of his life. He was in a slightly crouched position with both of his arms above his head in an attempt to shield it as Sanzo whacked down mercilessly with his harisen.

"I'm warning you, anymore funny business and you can kiss your miserable life good bye because I ain't gonna give a fuck that the Three Aspects assigned you to this bloody mission." Whack. Whack. Whack.

Hakkai and Goku winced. This was one of those rare times they felt sorry for Gojyo. If Hakkai hadn't made that last comment about cantankerous old men, he might try to stop Sanzo from beating Gojyo into a pulp but at times like this, better Gojyo's ass on the line than his own. After all, he had it coming.

Whack. Whack. Whack.

"...keep telling you to stop watching those stupid pornographic videos of yours. Who the bloody hell could sleep with all the moaning and groaning and screaming of fake orgasms? It's bad enough when we're in separate rooms but to watch them when we have to fucking share a room..." The whacking was now joined by some kicking.

"...next time I'm gonna smash those damn videos and then I'm gonna makai tenjou your ass! Do I make myself clear"

"Yes" was Gojyo's meek reply. Sanzo stepped back and put his harisen away.

"Good. I'm going back to sleep now and if anyone interrupts me I'll..."

"Ahem" interrupted Hakkai. "It seems that we have wrecked the motel during the fight so..."

Sanzo took a good look around and cursed. Hakkai was right except that 'wreck' seemed to be too mild a term. The motel was now, to put it more accurately, demolished. All hopes of climbing back into the warm futon to go back to sleep were dashed.

"Right. Everyone into Jeep. We're going. Gojyo, it was your bloody fault that we couldn't sleep so you are driving and if you wake me up before noon you are dead" said Sanzo as he walked towards Jeep.

" What?" Gojyo whined. He was too tired to drive but then again, he was also too tired to argue. Maybe he could talk Hakkai into secretly changing places with him when Sanzo falls asleep. "Where's the next town? Someone, gimme a map."

"You don't need a map. Just head West" Sanzo posed dramatically and pointed to the distant red sun in the horizon.

"Umm, Sanzo" said Hakkai smiling slightly. "That's the sunrise, not the sunset. You're pointing to the East. West is the other way."

"Hakkai?"

"Yes, Sanzo?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Yes Sanzo."

"And Hakkai?"

"Yes, Sanzo?"

"For that, you're driving."

"Woohoo" cheered Gojyo.

End!

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Appendix

Youkai – Demon

Shakujou – A monk's staff. Gojyo's particular staff has a sharp crescent blade connected to a chain at one end.

Bouzu – monk

Ki – energy

Bakazaru – stupid monkey

Kono – This (or in this context, 'you')

Erogappa – Perverted water demon

Kappa – Water Demon

Makai Tenjou – the incantation Sanzo use to activate his deadly sutra.

Harisen – paper fan


	3. Forelocks that dance in the breeze

I do not own Saiyuki but I do have a Sanzo plushie hanging from my hatstand. He likes it there. Please don't sue.

This snippet is the first in a trilogy.

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The atmosphere in Jeep was always rather heavy whenever Sanzo fell into one of his brooding, angsty move-an-inch-and-I-swear-I'll-blast-you-into-the-next-millennium moods. This time the edginess of Sanzo's depression was so sharp it could literally cut through steel. Goku and Gojyo who were sitting in the back seat and bored out of their miniscule brains knew better than to make a noise and notify the High-but-not-quite-so-Holy monk of their miserable existence. Even Hakkai thought better of his ironic trademark smile.

Hours passed without a sound being uttered. Jeep, aware that it was the only one safe from Sanzo's anger and retribution, flaunted this fact by toddling cheerily up and down each sand dune. Hakkai kept his hands on the wheel and vainly tried to tone down the extreme movements of Jeep. Other than that, the four men remained as rigid as statues.

The sun, high up in the sky and nowhere near shooting range of the Shoureijuu, was doing its utmost to substantiate the fact that nothing and no one can outshine itself, gold-crowned moody priests least of all.

And then, enough was enough.

Gojyo decided that he was dying of thirst and instead of doing the intelligent thing (get his own beer); he turned to Goku and said, purely out of habit,

"Oi, Bakazaru, get me a beer from the esky."

"Get it yourself, erogappa," replied Goku, also out of habit.

What ensued was a trading of creative expletives, which then lead to a fistfight, which meant a lot of noise, action and movement.

'Oh dear,' thought Hakkai. Sometimes he just could not believe in the idiocy of his two companions. Given Sanzo's present Ultra Bad Mood, one or both of them might really get shot this time. He sighed with resignation and wondered whether there were any bandages left in their medical supplies and where on earth did he put the antiseptic as he waited for the gunshot to ring out.

It never did.

There wasn't even an 'Urusai!!!'

Hakkai snuck a wary glance at the man next to him and couldn't believe his eyes. After knowing Sanzo for three years and travelling incognito with him for the last few months, Hakkai was pretty sure that he had seen all that there was to see of Genjo Sanzo.

He had seen Sanzo at his best as the latter stood on the rooftop and chanted the mantra that activated the Maten Kyomon to exterminate the demon who was controlling the Imposter Sanzo-ikkou.

He had seen him at his worst as the monk lay on the doorstep of Death after being poisoned by the Scorpion woman who thought she couldn't die (boy was she wrong).

Heck, he had even seen Sanzo at his drunkest and silliest when they entered the wine drinking competition and Sanzo almost set the sutra on their opponents.

But never, not in a thousand lifetimes, did Hakkai thought he would see Sanzo as he is now, quiet, moody, angsty, oblivious to the commotion in the back, hanging his head in shame? Humiliation? Sadness? Hakkai couldn't decide which but this much he knew. The Great and Almighty Genjo Sanzo was actually SULKING!!!

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A few hours earlier…

It was a typical morning for the gang. They got up, had breakfast while Goku and Gojyo bickered over the ownership of the last pancake. Sanzo whacked them a few times and then Hakkai ushered all of them into Jeep so they could get on with the quest.

The journey started normal enough. Goku and Gojyo played cards and then had an argument over which game they were playing (Goku thought they were playing Go Fish while Gojyo insisted it was supposed to be Old Maid). Sanzo got out his newspapers and proceeded to read quietly over the next few hours. Hakkai noticed that Sanzo was flicking his hair out of his eyes more than usual and thought it was the gentle breeze playing merry hell with the priest's golden forelocks.

The turning point was when a group of youkai showed up and attempted to beat the living daylights out of the Sanzo-ikkou. Of course, it was the youkai who had the living daylights beaten out of them. Hakkai sent his ki balls left, right and center. Goku had fun stabbing and whacking while Gojyo practiced a new twirling of the wrist that sent the chains of his shakujou into perfect figure eights. 'Quite impressive,' thought Hakkai. Suddenly, he noticed something strange. Amid the battle cries and clanging of weapons, one sound was missing. The shots of the shoureijuu.

Hakkai turned around to see what Sanzo was doing. The blond had his gun aimed at a random youkai. He cursed softly under his breath as he flicked his bangs out of the way. By this time, the youkai had moved and Sanzo had to adjust his arm to take aim again. Sanzo flicked his hair once more and fired the shoureijuu.

And missed.

The youkai landed a punch at Sanzo's pale cheek. Sanzo swore and counter attacked by side-stepping pass the youkai, then hitting the back of his head with the handle of the shoureijuu. Hard. The youkai lost balance but quickly regained it and was about to claw through the monk's chest when he suddenly found a large hole in the middle of his own chest, courtesy of a ki ball from Hakkai. The youkai stared at Hakkai in disbelief before disintegrating in to tiny particles.

By now, Goku and Gojyo had dealt with the other youkai so the four studs climbed back into Jeep to continue their journey.

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Hakkai thought back on this earlier event and what he witnessed. He wondered whether it had anything to do with the fact that Sanzo was sulking. After much ponder, Hakkai came to the conclusion that it did and was thinking of the most tactful way of approaching the subject with Sanzo when Goku called out "Hah, there's the town!"

Sure enough, a small town can be seen in the horizon. Hakkai thought it best to get straight to the point.

"Ne, Sanzo," he said, "your bangs are getting awfully long; I think you should go to the barber once we get to town."

Sanzo slumped dejectedly in his seat.

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End file.
